Senior Year of Waiting

   With senior year rapidly, scarily, and excitingly coming to a close, I take this time to put my thoughts into words on a digital screen. How do I feel? What are my thoughts exactly? I don't think senior year is all it's cracked up to be whether because of teachers or curriculum or administration. And I don't think I've made the most of it either, which I realize now and am starting to regret. My classes were... mediocre, unchallenging (which is the true shame), and for the most part, a disappoint- ment. I blame myself for some of this too: I didn't try hard enough, or put in enough effort, which is why this year turned out the way it did: an okay year to end a nice high school experience. But school should be more than this. Senior year should be more than this! We should be going out with a bang, having fun, doing something more than watching movies or playing games. Spring semester especially has turned into the waiting game. Tediously and slowly going through the motions every- day, counting the months, weeks, days until graduation, until the moment we turn our tassels to the left and we're finally rid of this place. That sounds harsh. But I know a whole platoon of people who feel the same way I do. We are ready to leave; we're waiting until the principal an- nounces our official graduation from Ernest Righetti High School, then the parties begin. Prepara- tions move forward with full steam, and our eyes leak with tears.
   I look forward to my time in college when I can finally focus on what I want to learn about, take fun classes, live in a new area. Adjusting to the harder and faster pace of university may be a strug- gle, but it's one I'll embrace and hug and smother and love. Or at least I hope I will. Sometimes I wonder why I'm so excited to leave, to graduate, to say goodbye to the people I love and know I will miss. That part, the leaving part and not seeing people part, makes me sad. But why does everything else excite me? I think it's the novelty of college, the upcoming restoration of my love for learning. The area, the new experiences, the new people! All so exciting and inviting. It's the expectations, the greatness of it all, the freedom, the status and maturity, and the overall newness. But for now, it's just sitting and waiting until that day comes.
   I know I'll miss my family, my friends, coaches, teachers, my new puppy. I relish the time I have left, take an extra second to look around and remember the moments I have with classmates that I may never see again. I try to appreciate more the days spent with the people around me, try to predict who I'll actually never see again until the 10 year reunion (I'm excited to see who will have become successful and who will have fallen off the boat and completely crashed and burned; I have a fair few in mind who will end up in the latter). But to conclude this extremely long string of words (I've always been bad at conclusions), I'm excited and prepared to end this waiting game of a senior year. I believe I have won, and I am more than ready to move onto the next game: college.

Words Paint A Picture

   "Ready?" he asks, looking at me.
   "Ready," I reply. And I am. Ready. Ready to jump into the unknown, take a leap of faith. Ready to face a new world, a world with him by my side.

   I wrote this little tidbit a while back on my phone. I don't remember what inspired it or prompted it; I just remember thinking it and liking it. I like the picture it paints in your head when you read it, the ambiguity. It leaves you to your imagination, let's you create the back story for the two nameless characters (I tend to do that when writing these kinds of pieces). My favorite part is the tone of optimism, how she's ready to head into the unknown with her companion who she trusts and loves. I enjoyed writing this super short story. Perhaps it offers some insight into the life I would like for myself one day: a life of happiness and excitement with someone. In any case, I was pleased with how it sounded and decided to share it.

I Want

  Humans are naturally selfish creatures. Yes they can also be generous, but they have a penchant for selfishness. Now where am I going with this? I'm not going to start going off on some deep, insightful rant about how we need to be more generous and giving. I am, however, going to discuss wants versus actions to achieve those desires.
  Whenever I talk about my future, I often start with the two words "I want". I want to become a vet. I want to travel the world. I want to marry a Brit and settle down in a nice house in the city with a cottage on the countryside. I want to own four dogs (golden retriever, Welsh corgi, dachshund, and Westie). I want to see the Northern Lights. But the question remains: what am I doing to realize these dreams? It seems like I am constantly waiting for my life to begin, to burst into life, like I can't help to jump start any of this right now. I look toward the future because it holds all of my hopes and dreams, but is there nothing I can do in the present? I feel powerless and glossed over (maybe that's the teenager in me talking). It seems like I can do nothing but wait. Wait for what? My freedom, time, money, opportunity, the liveliness of a young 20-something year old (or again, maybe my apathy is showing). But sometimes I genuinely feel like I can only sit and wait for my time to come when I can truly live my life (Rapunzel's song "When Will My Life Begin" constantly plays through my head during a time like this). I wonder what I can do to bring myself closer to achieving these goals. As an underage teenager still in high school with limited freedom, my circle of ability to transcend my current state of mediocrity extends no further than the boundaries of this town (or my apathy is showing again).
  But this brings me back to my original question: what can I do to achieve my goals? realize my dreams? I wonder what my life will be like, if I can actually do what I want to do, be what I want to be. Will I live up to my potential? Or will I wallow in mediocrity? Only time will tell, and my effort and actions will influence the outcome.